A few weeks back, Justin, Owen, Mario, Thad, and I participated in the hipster-nerd riot that is the Idiotarod. Here’s what I learned:
1. Don’t try to tell Justin that when he uses the angle grinder, maybe he shouldn’t be wearing pants with gaping holes in them. He won’t listen.
2. You might think that a Tyvek hazardous materials suit, combined with dust masks and safety goggles, would make an excellent outfit for running a five mile race. But then, you’d be an idiot.
3. If you saw off the front and sides of a metal shopping cart, drop the resulting grill to the bottom, and then carpet over the top, you’ve got yourself a pretty good chair, kid. Now don’t go hurting yourself with it.
So I can’t tell you where we finished in the race, and the after-party at Tonic was too crowded for us to get in, but it was still a brilliant experience. All the better for the cops deciding not to try to arrest all 800 of us, particularly the one cop who was heckling us as we came over the Manhattan Bridge, saying “You’re so far behind—give up now!”
There were a few downsides. For one thing, if I could’ve easily walked around the next day, that would’ve been nice. Also, I would’ve liked to have seen more heavy cart reconstructions. Though I do need to pay my respects to the engineers behind Ben Franklin’s Sweet Ride—do you suppose the time travel kicks in when it hits 88 MPH?
Incidentally, did you know that just a few days before the Idiotarod, eight people from Improv Everywhere were charged for disorderly conduct for organizing the 160-person “No Pants” subway ride? That is some bullshit. I wonder if anybody’s forming a No Pants Legal Defense Fund. You better believe that’d be a fun benefit party.